Broken Ties

It's amazing how life takes you on a path you never expect. The way friendships turn out. The ambitions never attained. The achievements that seemed so simple, after time. My personal favourite is the unexpected friends you lose.

You don't mean to lose heart when bad things happen and you certainly don't intend on getting a big head when good ones do. But it happens. Regardless of how I felt at that moment, I am trying to get into the habit of giving each their due credit and, understanding you get what you deserve. Once again don't get me wrong, I am not trying to preach godliness or karma although that is my belief. But after screaming, throwing tantrums and making a general fuss, if you didn't study for your HSC exams, you're not going to get the ranking you to be a lawyer! If you put all the effort for an interview to keep your sweetheart happy but you didn't get the job, then your sweetheart has not right to leave you because you tried sincerely. (In that particular situation, I would say that person never deserved you in the first place)

After denying it for a long time, I finally admitted to myself that I was not wanted by someone in my life. No matter how much importance I gave/give them, there is something that was needed that I couldn’t fulfil. But I cant go doing things just for them to want me again. If I work hard I can change many things that I find wrong in my life. But is that possible for friends too? Some things just don’t have a solution.

Odd reference I know but I watched a telugu movie called "Kick". Now instantly it appealed to me because of the cast but I found the name odd. Anyway, I watched it and beyond the madness of Raviteja's character, the awesome songs and the fact the Tamil remake "Thillalangadi" with Ravi Mohan sucked because he wasn't as crazy, I loved the concept. A man that lived his life on his terms. That is, he would only do things that gave him happiness or a "Kick". Now this maybe an average storyline to some but it's something that I would love to be able to do in real life.

The number of people in my life that have inspired me continues to change. Some inspire me to love, some to learn. One particular girl inspired me to write. Thats just simple stuff. Imagine if you could get away with doing only what you loved. How would those ambitions that you didn’t attain look like? What about those unexpected people that you hate or love? I mean, if you were granted that chance, would this unexpected turn of events exist? Would the insecurity of oneself exist?

I am the queen of insecurities but even I understand what I can do, some others cant. And I am happy. Finding that balance between your inner demon and your inner god is hard and it takes time. But one thing I know. If you are going to leave, I will question but if you don’t tell me why, I will take it that you were never meant to be there for me.