I know that from my own bottling up nature and fear of being left alone, I don't tell the people I care about that they hurt me. Silly I know but I am still learning how to let people know how I feel deep down. But an even worse aspect is I don't realise when how my actions can be perceived. To me, the awkwardness that surrounds being witness to a fight between people you care about may result in me walking away. Sometimes not saying anything is my way of avoiding that confrontation. Yet the truth is, sometimes, confrontation is needed. To clear the air, know where you stand or even to come to terms with the end.
Making sense of all these emotions we possess is hard enough without the confusion of maybe's and if's. Walking away may not have been the smartest thing for me to do but I really did think it was the best. That is till reality sat in front of me and told me I was a fool to do so. The result? I made mistakes and never had the chance to explain my intention. Yes, sometimes the end excuses the means but just like watching a scene of a stumbling character and thinking what the hell were they thinking, until its said and explained, no one really knows why you do what you do.
On the flip side, there are the times you want to yell and scream and make your voice heard. The times where you want people to know the choice you've made, the decision you've come to or even the colour you want your nail polish to be. And yes, there will be times, where you cant say them. Sometimes, silence is the only language you can utilize. When your choice is good or bad, its easy to lean but what about 2 goods? Between love and trust? Compassion and devotion? What do you choose? And how can you react without harming the other? I guess, its at this point you think which matters more, your choice or your faith? Because in effect, that is what stops us from simple task like verbalising an opinion. The freedom to choose or talk takes the backseat when our faith in love, relationship, people or even respect comes to the fore.
Much like the contradiction that's life, verbalising and not verbalising can be confusing. But I guess life will also teach us when to talk and when not to.